Balance

I thought that I had found the right set up for life. Like an equation everything was balanced just so to make the world look bright. The world is bright but not for that reason. For weeks I could feel a gap in my life. A gap that I never expected. I thought that God had filled all of those holes for me. But bringing God in I kicked something out. I was living by faith and logic. Faith and logic constantly at war to the point that they balance the equation. But nothing was feeling right. I thought I was missing something of this world. It turned out I was after a fashion. I started to feel the gap filled in two places, one seemed perfectly natural to me the other was not what I expected. I felt more complete when I was in nature (this one is natural to me), and to my surprise I felt more complete when I was around my female friends. It hit me today that in both of these places I follow my emotion more that I follow logic. One might say that I go with my gut more than my mind.

Emotions are so unstable how could I possible balance an equation with something that is continually changing? Change everything else to balance it. There must be more to it than that. I love puzzles.

As a follower of Christ I must consult the bible for this one, no matter how altered by man I feel it has been. And I find my answer in what is considered the most perfect life there is. Christ died by and for emotion. The hatred toward Jesus the people felt for no logical reason could have only been an emotional response. Christ died for our hate out of his love and God forgave us out of his infinite love. All of Christ’s action were emotions filled.

As a faithful man I must look to the acts of God to confirm everything. I think back to when he first found me and I was drawn to him. It was emotion that drew me to the Lord and it was emotion that kept me there. Sense that time I have had many experiences that I can only contribute to God and in each one of those thing has been lead to and filled with emotion. My most resent experience is with a friend that is living and working in Antarctica. The only correspondence I have is via email. I sent her a message two days ago and I heard back today only to find that here thoughts, emotions and action were paralleling my own in a way that I only feel God could be involved. I had sent that email as a intuitive move; God used my emotions fore that one

As a man of nature I must look there to see if it all fits. I asked my mountains and she said, “What could be more natural than following your gut?”

As a physicist I must reason this out and make sure that it is the right path to follow. So according to my logic emotions have kept my ancestors alive in the past and they are part of what keeps the propagation of genetic material going. All emotions have developed, for reason or another, from these two major survival needs. It makes sense then that by following these emotions I will live a longer/better life.

Logic sucks but I must balance it with emotion from here on out.

The start of something else

For a long time I have kept a journal. At the start of that journal I have a long list of last thoughts and instruction of what to do with the journal in the event of my death. It is odd the fragility of human life. At this point in my life that journal is the only thing of worth that, I feel, I will leave behind to the world. But it occurred to me that there were part of my life that I wanted to share as I lived them. I often find myself having a hard time expressing what needs to be said in any other form but writing. So I write far to much. And I hope that this place will allow me to communicate my thoughts better

I might write a great deal but my spelling and grammar suck so you sill have to forgive me for the mistakes that I make.