Boot Stank

I come to my boot in the morning. I look them over. Inspect them. Nothing appears to be amiss. I take a whiff. “NOOOOO,” I know immediately… they got Stank. I search for a cure. I change it, I add to it, I modify it, I mutate it but to no avail. Stank is Stank. I sit down frustrated and tired. I look down at the Right foot squadron. Commander Hallux Starboard looks back, resolve etched in his cuticle. “Were ready for anything, boss.” I smile and nod noting a commendation in line for the toe. He stands proud and confident with his soldiers as I slip the sock over. They charge into the Stank without flinching. I smile and nod proud to have such a brave squad on my side. I then look to the Left squad. They are quivering in fear. Commander Hallux Port trembles as he pleads “Don’t do it boss I’m to young to die.” I look on him with disgust, “It must be done soldier.” I slip the sock over and Port cries out, “It is not thick enough boss, and it has holes.” I cram the squad into the Stank and their cries for mercy are muffled.

Throughout the day my mind drifts to the battle that is waging bellow me. What horror are those toes facing? The day ends and I extract the squads from hostel territory. They seem fine, unscathed. But over time I notice it. They have become infected they are part of the Stank. Fear rips through me. What if they infect the rest of me? What if I become the Stank? I go for advice. “A toe wash,” a friend suggests. I smile and nod, “Yes of course a ‘toe wash.’” I procure the necessities of such an undertaking; water, soap, a wash cloth, bleach, a wire brush, alcohol (both medical and recreational), a sponge (do not eat this), steal wool, a nurse, an IV, 56cc of adrenalin, an orangutan, 2 bowling balls, a bra (for the bowing balls, double D can be used without modification, there is a possibility of using the nurse’s bra), 32 peaces of 0.5mm, soft, pencil lead (only needed if double D bra can not be found), 100 feet of good hemp rope, a carrot, the left forefoot of a goat (whether the animal is attached or not does no matter, detached is easer to work with), a coat hanger, an umbrella, 5 unused condoms, a whip, 50 peaces of bacon (37 cooked, 12 uncooked, 1 in an superposition of the two states) and a dry towel (optional). I begin the procedure. The toes scream and curse and must be restrained. As the procedure progresses they relax and start to enjoy the attention they are getting. After hours of tireless work they are back to the squads I once knew.