Wrestling with God

I do this a lot. I war with God about everything, even his existence. War is not the right word. Wrestle is the best word that I have come up with. I try to pin him down and he slips away and I try to define him and he is gone from definition. So I take a route that is taken all the time is science. I do something and try to see the out come and then define the mechanism which resulted in that out come but the mechanism is always changing. I look at myself. For God made us in his image or perhaps that is what he want us to think of it. Anyway, I look to myself and those around me and I do not find what I am looking for. I look to the world that God created and I still do not find what I am looking for. I look to the world its interaction with people an peoples interaction with each other and I do not find it. Not because it is not there but because looking at everything I can, I realize that I have forgotten what I was looking for or if I was looking for anything at all.

The world is more abstract that we know and we try to rationalize what is not rational. And we try to make abstract the little that is rational. I feel like there are thing that we are not meant to see. Not because God does not want us to see them but because we don’t know to look for them.

In the bible the human race starts out by “messing up” and eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I do not think that this was a mess up. I see this as the expression of the purpose of man. To seek out and devour knowledge. If God truly did not want it to happen he would have stopped it. We were just doing what we were meant to do.

So then I eat knowledge and I wrestle God and in the end I hope that it is all entertaining to God in some way. I figure if I did not then he would simple break my hip like Jacob. Ding ding. Let round two begin.