Leave my Head Alone

I’m starting to worry. Last night I was playing disk with some friends and something happened. It has happened before but this was different. My attitude towards everybody suddenly changed to the negative side. I felt like there was not a scrap of love in me anymore and it was horrible. I felt like dieing. I felt like hurting somebody. I had to get away, so I just walked away. The others that I was with tried to follow but I lost them quickly. As I walked I noticed a growing pain just behind my eye. It built the rest of the night. It was odd because normally my headaches come in my temples. This however was forward. It started behind the right eye and grew into the front right side of my head. The head ache scared me a bit. I have gotten headaches that have resulted in a mood change but I have never had a mood change that was so drastic that it caused a headache. It makes me think that it was not just mood but something more chemical than that. Stuff like that does run in my family.

Dam, I miss the mountains so much. I miss being a hermit and only needing to deal with the politics of one mind rather than dozens of others minds. I miss the freedom that cement and brick and a solid roof cannot offer. I miss having to do physical work to stay alive. Perhaps that is what it is. I do not have to struggle to stay alive when I am in the city, it not the challenge that I feel life should be, so I make it a challenge. I need the forest. I would rather struggle with the forest than my own mind.