Hypocrisy
I feel that I must apologize to the world. I talk greatly and at length about love. I say that it should be one of the highest goals of man. I say that it is the best way to grow with your brothers and sisters in this world. I say that it is a great way of growing deeper with God. But I, myself, do not love. I’m not even sure that I ever have. I would like to say that I would sacrifice my life to save another, out of love, but I’m sure that there would be a part of my mind that would wonder, at the moment that I gave my life, “Will this make up for all those things I did? Will I be remembered by this action rather than those others?” That does not sound like love to me. Love is selfless. It glorifies others and God and not yourself. I try to think of a time when I completely left the picture and everything that I did was for another. I can not say that that has ever happened. I can not find a way to set myself aside and I loathe that about myself. I have found lately that I have been taking love and not giving it back. I am so out of balance right now. I have only recently learned how to accept love. I never would accept love when I was younger, for fear of closeness. But I thought I gave love. Now that I have begun to take love in I must say that I have never give my love to anything or anyone in my life. I have a cold hard heart that needs to be softened. Or I need to go back into hiding and stop accepting love. I do not like the man that I am becoming and I need to change something soon before I can change nothing.
Time moves to fast and life is far far too short.
Time moves to fast and life is far far too short.
posted by The Golden Retirver at 21:19
2 Comments:
Not a cold heart, a hardend heart.
chronic,
wow. absolutely effing wow.
i just stumbled upon this when i was on your facebook and needless to say, i am so astonished in such a good way.
a) you posted a question asking, 'what is truth?' and i want to say that i love your unabashed honesty and desire to learn. god, i wish i knew what truth was, chronic. i wish that i knew because it would make life so much easier. but we don't know, and i don't know if we can. it doesn't mean that we stop looking of course, but it does mean that we can take comfort in that we don't have to live in the black-and-white, right-and-wrong mentality of our world and that we can safely say that sometimes, there is only gray area.
b) i really like your thoughts on the bible, mainly because they're logical. i used to be a biblical studies major (it's my minor, now) and you're right: it has been altered. there is no original autographa of the bible, which means that all we have to go off of are scribal translations. unfortunately, the process of translating and copying text down was a very long and complicated one...and it allows for much room for error. i mean, if the bible was completely pure, we'd only have one translation, one version and we'd all agree on the interpretation. but the bible is not so much a book of rules as it is a book of concepts to implement in our lives, namely to love. and that Christ loves us. and that's the beauty of it...that God uses the humanity of the bible just as he uses the humanity of his creation...to do his work.
c) life is too short. something i'm learning right now is to stop being so safe and so guarded, and to love with my entire being...no matter how much it may hurt in the end. i like to say, 'love hard. experience life.' because i think that loving with everything we have is the only way to experience life.
this was way too long, and i apologize, but wow. i love it. i love your thought process.
have a good day, friend. :)
danielle
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